Tributes to a popular and inspiring woman at ceremony of remembrance

Memories and tears flowed as friends and family gathered to remember Kate Fitzgerald

THE IMMEDIATE family and university friends of Kate Fitzgerald came together on Saturday afternoon to remember her in words and music and pictures.

About 60 people gathered in the Inter Faith Centre in Dublin City University for a ceremony that lasted perhaps 45 minutes but will be long remembered by those present.

Kate, who took her own life last August, studied international relations at DCU and while there, was for a time the driving force behind the university’s debating society. Saturday’s ceremony of remembrance was organised by a group of her DCU friends as their way of honouring her memory.

Almost all those in attendance were in their mid-20s and it was evident that for them, Kate Fitzgerald had been a figure of inspiration and fun and love. Two young men played guitars, accompanied by a young woman who sang in a melodic, pitch-perfect voice.

One young man who succeeded Kate to run the debating society recalled her advice to him at the handover. It is not about what you do, he said Kate told him, it’s about what you leave behind.

Memories and tears flowed; the stories were laced with love, longing, solemnity and laughter.

A piece Kate wrote for the charity Plan Ireland, Because I am a Girl,was the inspiration for Nuala Mulligan to pen her particular tribute, Because of a Girl,which she read.

“Because of a girl I ask how can I make sure this doesn’t happen again?

“Because of a girl I hope to be more than I am in this moment, to make a difference like she did.

“Because of a girl I wonder what the world would be like if more people were like her . . .”

But the most powerful and moving words were spoken by Kate’s mother, Sally, who stood supported by her son, William, and husband Tom seated nearby. She told a mother’s story of home life, a place where their children knew “joy and wonder and laughter and song, but above all, plenty of love and security”.

And she spoke frankly and honestly about some of Kate’s troubles. “The problem for Kate was that she never wanted to leave the security and wonder of her childhood,” said Sally. “She did not feel comfortable with the idea of being an adult.”

But her strongest words were spoken for those present.

“I would be remiss as a mother, a teacher, and yes, as a human being, if I did not share with the young people gathered here today what I have learned from this unspeakable tragedy,” she said.

“To thine own self be true. Shakespeare’s words were never more apt than during these turbulent, out of control, celebrity-saturated times in which we live. And by this I mean: respect your bodies, and your minds, and your lives, and try to find what you can do while on this earth that is substantial and meaningful.

“Be ever mindful of the respect you owe to the universe. We are all connected. As I used to tell my children: take care of each other . . .

“If you feel that something is terribly wrong in your life, seek answers from loved ones and professionals who are knowledgeable and caring. And if the first doctor can’t help, go to the next. But do not give up.

“And one final note from a 55-year-old lady who has been there: stop the excessive drinking and the irresponsible, impulsive behaviour that attends it. Life is something to be cherished and savoured. Do not squander the precious days you have left by impairing your judgment with drugs and alcohol. You will be the next disaster waiting to happen. I beg of you not to do that to your families and friends.

“What Kate has done has quite simply broken my heart.”

She thanked those who had comforted and loved her daughter.

“And to all of us so fortunate to have known this remarkable young woman, let us keep in mind this certainty: there is a rational explanation for everything that happens in life. Our ignorance of that explanation does not preclude its existence.

“We must erase the terrible stigma attached to suicide and to this horrid disease of depression, and help others to disentangle themselves from its dark tentacles, so they may lead happy, productive lives.

“That is all I ever wanted for my little girl.

“My daughter ran out of patience, and she ran out of time. But as she knew well: the answers are out there. It remains our responsibility and our privilege to find them.”

As the ceremony ended, a slideshow of photographs projected on to a wall continued for a time – a selection of unremarkable images, the like of which fill camera-phones and social network pages by the million. Unremarkable images made poignant by the occasion. They showed family events, such as dancing with her father, posing with him and her mother, meeting Bill Clinton, larking about with others during her DCU years. Images of yesterday, showing a popular young woman whose tomorrow is no more.