I’m a humidity veteran. There are ways to make it bearable

One of the true marvels of Ireland is the constant feeling of being too cold but also sweaty at the same time. I call it roasting cold. It’s a unique experience that I feel is undersold to prospective visitors.

Yes, we have old books to look at and big cliffs to photograph but have you ever had fingers about to drop off from frostbite while your light rain jacket is causing rainforest conditions under your arms? That’s something truly special.

The summer is upon us, which means we have ditched our heavy winter jumpers and we’re set to carry on with our happy warmer weather ways, such as trying to avoid poisoning those we love with sorry excuses for barbecues.

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Ireland doesn’t need another obstacle getting between its people and trying to enjoy their time outdoors, but dealing with high humidity is one most people could do without.

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Humidity is an atmospheric measure that technically tells us how much water vapour is getting about. But usually it’s a term used in conversation when there’s too much of it and it’s making us miserable, giving birth to every smug auntie’s favourite phrase about holidaying abroad: “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity that gets you.”

High humidity probably has lots of benefits from a scientific standpoint, but primarily it’s main function is to remove enjoyment from life.

Even rain, while always annoying, could at least be counted on to be refreshing, air-clearing and comforting, but not in the clutches of humidity. Now it feels like we’re just sharing a sauna with the rest of the country.

I’m a humidity veteran. I’ve lived in Sydney, southeast Asia and Miami. I know what it is to step out of the shower and already need another one by the time your feet have hit the bathmat. So how do we cope in Australia with humidity? The answer is we don’t really.

In the north of the country, seasons aren’t defined by hot and cold but rather dry and wet. The period before the monsoonal season is known simply as the “build up” in the Northern Territory when the humidity rises and air is so heavy with water, it feels like you need a snorkel just to go for a walk.

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That’s when “mango madness” sets in. Others call it “going troppo” but it refers to the same thing – that slightly on edge, crazed desperation that comes from being uncomfortable 24/7. Violent crimes rise around this period and the phenomenon was so widely accepted that academic researchers investigated it, eventually publishing a study about the links between access to air conditioning and the mental health of Darwin workers.

While it’s unlikely the anticipated increase in humidity, the least favourite cousin to the European heatwave, will send anyone completely “troppo”, there are some small measures to make it bearable.

1. Don’t talk about it. There is also some absolute pelican who asks “Is it hot enough/humid enough for ya?” when it’s miserable out. They have to. It’s some sick compulsion. But it’s also very annoying to be reminded that you are sweating. Everywhere. All the time. Don’t be this person. Just move on with your day.
2. Natural or breathable fibres only. And ditch anything tight. A body hugging Lycra dress might feel like you’re exposing more skin to the air, making you cooler, but what you need is an oversized cotton men’s business shirt which is circulating air around your torso on the inside. For men it might sound counterintuitive but a cotton vest under a shirt will dry up the sweat and keep you cooler despite adding an extra layer.
3. Prioritise sleep. The weather is tiring enough. Lose the duvet, sleep with only a flat sheet or a duvet cover. Lose your partner if they get too hot in the night and overheat the bed. It’s everyone for themselves out here. If you are overly sentimental and want to keep them around, have your own separate sheets to lay under so your lovely cool slide of the bed isn’t microwaved by their body temperature.
4. Keep an eye on your beloved animals and also children. They may not be able to tell you how warm or dehydrated they are. Or they’ll tell you they drank water at school but didn’t really. Make sure they and the dogs have access to water when they need it. Fluids can also be given through ice lollies. If you’re really strict about things, they make an electrolyte ice lollies in a calming blackcurrant flavour, which is also useful for grown up hangovers.
5. Check in on your community elders, especially if they live alone. Heat and humidity can interact with certain medications and exacerbate heart conditions. Make sure Nan has drunk liquids other than her usual 18 cups of tea, which can be dehydrating in large quantities. Don’t believe anyone that says boiling hot liquids “cool them down.” Ignore them, sit them down, put the fan on and turn up a rerun of The Chase if they ask “Hot enough for ya?”.